I have been reading over some of my posts and I am realizing that in some of them I sound like a big whiner. I really am not. I normally try not to complain, I normally don't talk much about my issues, at least not to my friends. My poor mother hears me bitch and moan more often than not, sorry Mom I love you. :) I have my health, I have my family and I have my friends, I am blessed. I know this, and yet, lately I have been dwelling on the negative. I am comparing myself more than I usually would to other people. I get mad when I feel like I am missing out. I keep focusing on the fact that my dad is no longer around, the fact that I am 23 and living at home, the fact that my weight isn't coming off fast enough and the fact that I am not done with school yet. Yes I know I am working full time and going to school part time and the beginning of my college experience wasn't normal or easy. I still feel like I should be done. Maybe it is the time of year, the end of three 4 really hard months when I miss my dad the most. It will be five years on February 15th since he died. I still miss him like he died yesterday. I think that may be it, me missing him. I am such a downer these days. I apologize to all of you who have been reading this, sorry for being so depressing.
In truth I love so many aspects of my life. I LOVE my family, immediate and extended. I am blessed to have supportive relatives and a HUGE family (Mom is one of 8 and Dad was one of 5). I have lots of Aunts and Uncles and lots and lots of cousins. I love them all. I am so thankful for my mom, without her I wouldn't know what to do. She is so supportive even when she doesn't agree with my decisions. Thanks Mom for always being there for me. My siblings are fantastic, Andy and Anna, I know I can always talk to them if I need to. While my dad is gone he taught me so much, I hope to be like him when I "grow up". I hope to have his kind heart and his ability to see all the good in people. I hope to have his selflessness, he would have given you the shirt off his back if you needed it. I am his number one fan forever and always. I love my Noni (grandma) and Papa (grandpa) more than life itself. Noni, I would not have survived with out you. You are such a strong woman, as your mama said, "We are porcelain" we have come through the fire stronger than ever. My Aunt Christine is the one who made me feel that even if I am a bigger girl I am still beautiful and worth taking care of myself, she turned me into the shopping addict that I am. :) I will never forget her waking me up at 7:30 in the morning and telling me that we were going to get me a whole new wardrobe. I have so many other people that have touched my life and made it better. My best friend since the 6th grade Jenny, she has been there for me through thick and thin. I can always count on her to be here for me. She has my back no matter what and I hope she knows I have hers. I am blessed, I know I am. Maybe I just had to write it all down to convince myself.
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