Monday, January 25, 2010

Demons in the closet

You know what they are, you have them too. Articles of clothing that haven't fit you in years but for some reason there they are, looking back at you. Taunting you for not fitting into them any more. You don't know why you keep them but you can't get rid of them to save your life. Maybe one day you will fit back into them, maybe one day you can be that size again (although you haven't been anywhere close to that size in many many years). You keep hope alive and back in the closet they go.

I have so many clothes spanning so many sizes it is ridiculous. Most of them are pants, evil pants, I love them and I hate them all at the same time. I try on a regular basis to let go of such items but every time I pull them out of the closet I can't manage to part with them. All I can think is "What if I manage to fit into these again." For the first time in a long time I have gotten back into a size of pant I didn't fit into for while. Normally I just grow out of them and then the sad pants hang there looking at me and reminding of my ever growing self. It is an amazing feeling to move down in sizes, one that I am not used to but hopefully with any luck in the coming weeks/months/year I will drop down size by size. I shouldn't say I hope, I should say I will. I keep taking this whole eating thing one day at a time. It seems to be the best way to operate.

I have many more hurdles to jump over including overcoming my distaste for exercise. I hate it almost as much as I hate pants, the same love/hate. I know it is good for me but I don't like the way it makes me feel, flabby, out of shape and sad. Just like when I try on those demons in the closet (pants). One day I will master both. This is the week I try to incorporate as much exercise I can stand. I am shooting for three days a week, whether I like it or not.

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