Anger is an ugly thing

I was reminded (thanks Mom) that anger is not a pretty emotion. My entry from Monday was kind of an angry one. I don't know where it came from, I think it was wrapped up in the emotions of the day. What my mom said is true, anger is ugly and normally unproductive but it is also unavoidable. The tricky thing is coming to terms with why you are angry. In the case of the article I wrote about last time I was angry because I felt betrayed in a sense and I felt as though I needed to voice my issues with that outside of just immediate family members but it doesn't change anything it can just be cathartic. Some anger is harder to identify,I struggle a lot with the fact that I want to help people and when I can't I get upset. Sometimes it manifests as anger and sometimes it is just sadness. Either way not being able to help those I love bothers me. I am learning more and more though that life is totally out of our control for the most part.

I attended a memorial service today for a guy that is my age, he was working earlier this week out in the field and there was an accident that cost him his life. His service today was packed and the one resounding theme that every person that got up to talk spoke about was the fact that he lived life to the fullest. I started wondering if I lived for today or if I lived for the future? Did I make every minute count? Would there be 300 people at my memorial service one day? Was I in a holding pattern or was I working towards what I wanted and really, really reaching for it. When I was younger my dad had a poster of a squirrel reaching for a red berry just out of it's grasp and it said "What is your berry?" Am I trying to grab my "berry"? So here is my plan. I am taking the words of wisdom from the people that spoke at the memorial service and the post that my dad had for so long and combining the two. It is time for me to live every day as though I may not have another and it is also time for me to really go after the things I want. No more anger and tearing myself down. What is done is done and the only thing I can do is move forward. Always look forward and never turn back, this means letting go of residual anger. So with that I am letting the past anger fall away and starting fresh tomorrow. After all I am only 23 and have so much more life to live.:) Rest in peace Sunny and thank you for helping me in a round about way. I didnt know you well but you were loved by many and your presence is felt even after you have gone, look up my dad in heaven, you both had a similar outlook on life I think. Tomorrow is a new day and I will start fresh, thanks for the wake up call.