2011 and the changes it will bring

I went to a party a couple weekends ago and was talking to a good family friend and she happened to mention that she had read my blog and how I haven’t written in a very long time, which is true I haven’t written in a very, very long time. I guess I just haven’t had much to say really. Or maybe I just wanted to say the same things I have said many a time before. I find myself a little lost at the moment. I am neither here nor there, in a limbo of sorts. It is frustrating. How does one remove themselves from a limbo? Make a big change I would imagine but all of the big changes are really big…. Or maybe just really hard. Either way I feel stuck.

I feel as though it may have something to do with the time of year, the end of 2010 and the beginning of 2011 and when I look over the past year I am in the same place that I was when 2010 rang in. I always though your 20’s were for setting out on new and exciting journeys and no two years being the same… Why does it feel as though I have skipped over that part and gotten into comfortable, boring, habits? So here is what I have decided (this is the “I am woman, hear me roar” part) I am changing everything in 2011. I am going to make the big changes I have needed to make for a long, long time. Even if they are scary, even if they hurt, in the end I will feel better because I will then know that I haven’t missed out on the wonderful things being 24 can bring.

Change Number 1; LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!!! I was doing so well for awhile and then the holidays rolled around and it all went to shit. I realized something a few weeks ago, my mom has a digital photo frame and it runs through the pictures that she has loaded of the family and all of the things we have done together. One night I watched it circle through all of the pictures and there were tons of my brother and sister, smiling, happy. There was not one picture of me. Not any ones fault, certainly not because my family doesn’t love me, but because I avoid cameras like they are going to steal my soul. I hate the way I look in pictures because a picture tells the truth. It shows how large I am in comparison to everyone. I cant avoid the reality if it is right there on film. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to be able to look at pictures and remember all the great things I have done with my family/friends and have proof that I was there.

Change Number 2: STAND UP FOR MYSELF!!! I am a people pleaser. It is what I do. I am also someone who hates it when people are upset with her and I avoid confrontation like the plague. I am done be a doormat for some, not all but some. If I don’t know you I will tell you what I think because I really don’t care what you think of me, but if you are someone I love and care about I will do whatever is in my power to make you happy. I am not doing it anymore. I am not living my life so that others feel comfortable while I am miserable. I am done. If you don’t like it then fine, but it is what it is. Now I am not going to turn into some raving bitch but I am not going to put up with other people’s crap either.
I am sure there will be other changes I will want to make but these two are the top priority for me. Wish me luck in 2011. I may very well need it.