Hello my name is Sarah and I am a food addict

Addiction…..it is an ugly word and people have an immediate reaction to it. The truth is that I am addicted to food.It sounds weird and unlikely but the truth is that food is my coping mechanism. See the problem with being a food addict or an emotional eater is that it is like using a band aid to cover a 6 inch wound, it doesn’t work, it is ineffective and really the only thing you are doing is making it harder for that wound to heal. It also holds true when you rip that band aid off and realize that the wound is so much worse then you originally thought and now you have to figure out a different way to heal it. All you want to do is put that band aid back on and forget about it. That’s what happens to me when I try to deal with my emotional issues in a different way other than eating. When I take away the comfort foods that I have used for a band aid for so long it surprises me what all comes back up.



I have pushed my fears, self doubt, pain etc down and covered over the surface of it with a layer of fat. I heard a great way of describing what the extra weight represents, it is my bubble wrap, and it is what I needed to make it through some pretty traumatic things in my life. I shouldn’t hate it but now I don’t need it. The thing is that the lack of comfort food is taking a toll on my emotional state; I have to find a different outlet to create a more affective and healing band aid, maybe one with Neosporin. : ) For now I am trying to work through the emotional things that come up.



The thing that surprised me most was the overwhelming feeling of guilt and sadness about losing my dad. Sunday was father’s day but in the last 5 years it has been kind of sad but not overwhelmingly depressing. I felt guilty that I could no longer picture what my life would be like if I had him around and that his approval or disappointment no longer factored into my decision making. I know it is a natural thing, he is gone, he isn’t coming back, why would he still factor in? I just feel like he should, that somehow he should still be a huge part of my life. In a way he is but in other ways he isn’t, it just surprises me how much I miss him. I guess I go through phases, I will always miss him, and it just depends on the day and time and emotional state as to how much. It is like I have a hole in my heart and it is partially healed but that band aid that covers the rest peels back every so often leaving the wound exposed. That’s when it hurts, that’s when I want to eat myself into a coma. Why am I still so affected? Sometimes I wonder if I am alone in this? Am I incapable of getting over it? Is this how everyone grieves? Am I holding onto things I shouldn’t? Is this normal? These are the questions that run through my head. The biggest ones, the ones that torment me are….. Would he be proud of me if he was here now? Have I lived up to the goals and expectations he set for me? Will I ever be half the amazing person he was? Will I forget the sound of his voice, his laugh, his smile? I hope not, I hope I carry him forever and live up to what he would have wanted me to be.

Day 5

I know I said I would write every day but it is now Day 5 of South Beach and so far so good. I haven’t had any carbs or sugar and I am not having horrible cravings but I am tired and kind of jittery. I feel foggy but by tomorrow that fog should lift a little. I am feeling good though and am excited to see the weight come off. I know it will be slow but it will be so worth it.

I have come to the realization though that I will never be a skinny mini. I don’t have the body type for it. I will always be on the curvier side of things. Even when I was swimming competitively I was a size 14. I was fit but I wasn’t small by any means. I guess a size 14 for me is healthy, it is doable. Maybe I will get smaller than that but not a whole lot smaller. It is strange how you can be in the product of someone so little and have such a different body type. Genetics are luck of the draw I guess. I have no problem being curvy, just not this curvy although I do feel blessed because the weight has balanced itself out, I don’t have the tomato and tooth pick syndrome as some do. I am looking for the bright side in this. The one good thing about my situation is that I can change it. Being obese (I hate that word) is not a life sentence, it is totally changeable but only I can change it. When I started looking at weight loss options I looked into surgery but when you come down to it it’s still diet and exercise that work. There is no quick fix. The more I attempt to lose the weight the more I realize the truth. I guess the truth hurts sometimes.

Day 1 , so far so good.

Day one and so far so good, this is always the easiest day, the day you are excited about what you have started. Day two will be ok, day three I will want to hurt someone and day 4 will be even worse. By day five the fog will clear and it will be easier. I have replaced the sweet candy cravings with drinking crystal light, I know I should just be drinking regular water but it makes me feel like I am still satisfying the cravings that I get. Plus the more water I drink the better off I will be, even if it means that right now I am making a trip to the restroom about once an hour. That is slightly annoying but I am sure I will get over it. I actually feel really good about this.

I am excited that I will have more time to get into the swing of things and be able to stick with the program before the holidays roll around. That was my down fall this last time. I think I will do one thing differently and that will be the way I add the carbs back in. I am going to do minimal carbs for awhile. I don’t see anything wrong with sticking to lean meats and veggies and limiting my carb intake as well as the sugar. You would be surprised how many good sugar free or reduced sugar options there are out there if you really need that fix. So far so good and yes I know it is only the first day. I am going to stay optimistic though. :)