Hear no evil

This post is inspired by a tattoo my cousin recently got to represent "Hear no evil"( I love you Sammie. :) You are such a BEAUTIFUL and STRONG woman) Sammie has a point. We should love ourselves despite what people might say. Every woman has some sort of body conscious issues. Most woman who are overweight have many body issues, I say most because there are some women out there that love the fact that they are full figured, more power to them but I am not one of them. In high school people can be cruel, kids say mean things because it makes them feel better but these are the same things that can scar people. I have been scarred. I know this and it makes me nervous when I see those people that I went to high school with, I revert back to the chubby girl who was tormented by the mean "cool" guys. Really what they are are douche bags who where so insecure about themselves and their social status that it made them feel better to harass me, call me fat, ugly, blah blah blah. I am now almost 24 and a strong woman but I will also admit that I am addicted to food and use it as a coping mechanism. My goal is to not to hear the evil anymore.

I have to remind myself that a lot of those guys I was hurt by are ones I wouldn't want to have ANYTHING to do with now. What does it matter what people say about you? It should only matter how you feel but if you don't feel good about yourself those comments that people make are going to hurt more. How do you steal yourself against that? I have never figured out how. People ask me why I dont go out to the bars and go dancing and what not. It is because I never ever feel comfortable in my own skin. I feel like an elephant in a room with slender swans. It makes me feel like SHIT!!! SO I avoid it. Only a few friends have seen me out and about and when I do I am the one who is the friend with the girl that gets hit on in the bar. I am the friend that they tolerate so they can mac on the hotter girl. If you have ever heard of the comedian Stephen Lynch and have heard hos song "Big Fat Friend" That girl is me!!! I am or maybe just feel like the big fat friend. Someone to be pitied and not cherished. How do I stop it? I feel like the only way to do that is to lose the weight but from all of my years of therapy I know that that doesn't solve the problem. I have to look more inward and get into the habit of loving myself for who I am. But who am I? How do I love myself? How do I feel comfortable? I need to look into that.