I am my father’s daughter. If someone asks me for help I do everything in my power to give or do what I can to help them. It seems as of late that 9 times out of 10 it blows up in my face. There is a saying that I have adopted as of recently that speaks all to well of what I am feeling these days, what I want to scream from the rooftops!!! The saying is “Please do not mistake my kindness for weakness.”
It is absolutely the truth. Just because I helped you, loaned you money, did you a favor, doesn’t mean that I am a person that you can manipulate. Just because I wanted to be there for you during your time of need does not mean that I will do back flips to come to your every beck and call. I am a good friend, a loyal person and lord knows I will do what I can but if you abuse this kindness and just assume that I am a pushover you are sorely mistaken. I am tired of being the after thought until you find you need something and then I am the person you call “because I have always been there for you”. The question is….. Have you been there for me? Have you offered to help when you can tell I am struggling? Or is it all about you? So when I don’t answer that call or asked to be paid back for money I have lent does that really make ME a bad person? Should I really be feeling guilty that I have hurt you in some way? The sad thing is that I will. I hate confrontation but I am learning that if I have to be a little confrontational to let my voice be heard and get my point across that I won’t be anyone’s door mat then so be it.
I will always want to help, I will always care and I will always feel for someone if they are struggling. If I can help I will but my kindness is not weakness. My kindness is a strength… one that can be misinterpreted by some. It gets old, it makes me want to suppress this quality. For now I will just say to be careful. One day I may not be there. Good old dependable Sarah maybe done with the bull shit at that point. Then what? What will you do? I hope I never have to show someone what happens when that well runs dry. Most likely it will just wear me down, wear me out, lose faith in others, continue to brew lack of trust in some…..
